I am regularly called a witch 😉
Especially by my inner circle. With my herbal brews, powerful back-to-nature tendencies, wisdom and madness, the decades of learning to speak out, the confrontation (I had to learn to channel); and especially the deep deep connection with life -including fear of death- and living from a proximity with death. With life and death as the same.
But I did not tend towards a witch-past. I certainly feel involved with the collective and the transgenerational traumas in all kinds of areas, but also neutrality with stories of ‘once having been a witch’. Knowing does not bring anything extra.
The start
So when a WRR (witch restore ritual) was announced during the retreat, that was not a big dream come true. I was rather resigned – leave it to whoever wants. Until suddenly something made me sit up. And that something needed to put me in the constellation as a witch. So firmly, that I held my hand up even when too many people wanted to be witches. Even when the trainer asked: ‘who can’t be in the constellation without being a witch?’.
That would have wiped away any tendency to hold my hand up. Because well, ‘that witch-pain movement is not so relevant to me’, ‘others want it more’, ‘I’ll help the trainer in this difficult situation by withdrawing’, ‘I can get something out of all positions’, ‘it’s not that important’.
My raised hand was also not emotional, perhaps partly experimental, but mostly from a calmness of gut-knowledge. But I had no idea.
In the line of witches
I enter the constellation. We are standing with a number of ‘witches’, there is an executioner, a judge, a regular doctor, a churchman and a group of villagers. The first movement that occurs is a woman from the village who moves past the judge to the witch next to me and shows fiery anger to her. What is expressed through vocal sound gives me shivers and I step to my neighbor-witch for support. My gaze furiously at the village-woman, and softens only when I experience the power in my witchcolleague’s posture and sound.
The battle begins here between women. This moment is a female envy power.
Everyone is silent. The energy is completely concentrated here.
Now. Women.
What is the beginning?
The village-woman turns out to be the wife of the judge, who walks around kindly between the groups, and passes judgment on the witches, based on something he stands for.
When he and his wife stand opposite each other, you can feel the pain there. The judge wants to do good for his wife with his judgments, but forgot to give her pain space. Or his.
At the invitation she lets the painsound be heard: the vocal sound of her pain resonates through me and this entire constellation of 12 nationalities.
My cheeks are wet and she and I exchange a glance.
Next, the pain of the husband sounds. After this vocal expression he feels a kind of euphoric and wants to change the entire constellation to connect with eachother in love.
Too early. Too fast. Not doing justice to the pain of all, which does not create space. Which is exactly what he did to his wife: wanting to make it ‘right’, without presence and space for her and his pain.
((I love how a constellation always shows beyond our thoughts))
Confusion arises. The group suffers because of the non-recognition of the pain. I feel resentment going through me.
The hand of the representative of the doctor, the ‘judge’ has forced into mine, comes through nevertheless. Through the attention of the ‘doctor’. And I know: there is no contradiction here, this is together.
((This short but important intermezzo will fall into place later. Now, lets return to the constellation. ))
Pain changes form via the energy of a voice
After the painsound of the judge and the woman, it is up to the witches.
Up to us.
As if something is coming through me, the sound of collective pain sounds through my voice from this place in the constellation. I feel my mouth open wide and the sound sounds full and overwhelming through me.
At the same time I hear and feel the sound of pain from my fellow witches. One long pain tone that says it all, falls into the silence of the greater whole.
The villagers, the executioner, the judge, the doctor, the kerman, they hear and feel us.
We have been received.
Recognized by the semi-material form and taken up again trans-form-ed.
Silence.
We vibrate with each other
The villagers also sound their pain and tears stream down my face. So much connection. We are connected, authentic and not so unique.. Compassion suits us. One of the villagers symbolizes that. Our gazes catch and keep locking..
When the churchman sounds his pain, to my surprise there is something else. A disbelief and anger that goes through me and a feeling of powerlessness about injustice. ‘This pain does not do justice’, I feel strongly about that. Via his vocal sound various emotions go through me that I do not have to understand. Flashbacks and memories also come up very intensely, brought back by the sound of the churchman. I feel my body go through that processing in short sobs with soft tears.
A personal past of ecclesiastical abuse of power through a parent who was susceptible; and a collective past of rigid religion – which I (apparently) had allowed myself to become rigid.
Then my body softens, I feel sinking and open femininity and my body vibrates along with the sound of his voice. When I then feel the pain that he sounds, I fully receive it.
Collective coming together
After all the sounds of pain and what vibrated and trembled with it, spontaneous movement arises everywhere between individuals and groups.
My eyes are locked again with ‘my people’. She and I walk towards each other with an embrace and then move hand in hand through the people, through the group, through the whole.
Someone joins. Then someone else and more.
Slowly a circle forms.
When the wife of the judge stands next to me, we embrace each other with a deep knowing without words. The circle fills with all participants, including those who are not in surrender.
The infinity of the circle that spontaneously arises is a powerful symbol of all parts of our society beyond and with past, present, future as one.
I feel the power of this sound constellation working through. In the collective, through all the people who were part of it, and beyond.
ps.
After a few weeks I can also say:
in my (im)personal life not through the usual obvious elements, but through details and corners of the constellation, with great relevance and life streams. More about that later, because omg how special..
